10 Dings We Lot Think You Sha Know About Bermuda
by @Terri2Kool (illustrations by @AmeliaHeart)
Pink sand, aquamarine waters and multi-coloured rows of homes and buildings; when your plane begins its descent near Devil’s Isle, these are some of these things you will see upon your approach. But as you may have seen on a recent Tourist commercial for Bermuda overseas, we are SO much more than that!
Our culture is a unique blend of indigenous traits as well as influences of other Caribbean islands and nations further away. This is a result of many citizens emigrating or immigrating to our shores!
As a Bermudian Living Overseas or BLO (yes, I just made that up #coolshadesemoji), it is quite interesting to meet many people who know VERY LITTLE about Bermuda (insert generic Bermuda Triangle reference) and have the nerve to ask questions as if being an emerging nation economically means you are disconnected from other parts of the world.
NEWS FLASH: Bermuda is 640 miles west-northwest of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina, 770 miles south of Cape Sable Island, Canada, and 956 miles north of Puerto Rico (thank you, Wikipedia[t1] , for these stats). While we are a small island nation, we are not as a collective nation living in straw homes made of tree leaves or walking around in coconut bras and grass skirts as some international movie films depict MOST island life.
While there is ABSOLUTELY nothing wrong with a nation that does have citizens who live and/or dress in the manner just described. It is my duty as a BLO to share with you 10 things we lot at BERMES think you should know about Bermuda/Bermudians:
1. Bermudians do not know ANYDEEENG about di Triangle
- What de fack, men! Guys don’t een know what de other two points of de triangle are, let alone know if de myth is true or not.
2.Bermuda shawts are a staple in every Bermy businessman’s closet
- If you meet a man who does business in Bermuda and he doesn’t have any Bermy shawts, ya boy just got to de rock and ain’t reach Tahn yet to hit up English Sports Shop.
- We particularly are born wif de taste of Black in us (Gosling’s Black Rum) but, if de bar don’t have our drink (‘cause tha mug like dat) we lot will try just about any liquor at least once
4. Barritt’s Ginger Beer is WAAAAAY betta than Gosling’s
- That is ALL, hear me?
5. Hamilton Parish has a personality disorderParish refers to the ENTIRE area that is Hamilton Parish usually used when tawking about we lots football team, de Hot Peppers.
- While Bay refers to the eastern side of the parish located closer to St. George’s and Crawl is the area that is closest to Tahn!
- 6. Bermudians caunt wait for 24th ah May, Ag Show, or Cupmatch to come so they can buy a new ganzee
Guys gotta look fresh for those Vybez Alliance photos, hear me, don!
- 7. Bermudians call similar products with different brand names by ONE product name
For example if you ask a Bermudian if they have any bug spray they will refer to it as Baygon, even though de can CLEARLY says Raid. Also, when asking for a paper towel, chances are a Bermudian will say, “May you pass me ah piece ah Scott towel, please?”
8. Bermuda is not PHYSICALLY in the Caribbean, but our kulcha is as Caribbean as it gets
We lot love reggae music as much as de next Yardie and to play mas like ah Trini or Bajan. Also, we pretty much cook de same types of food as dem other Caribbean biez but we lot call ‘em by different names cause we lot can! #boasty
9. Bermuda is de OLDEST British overseas territory
- Dem British biez settled on our island in 1609 after de Sea Venture shipwrecked on we lots reefs. So, don’t try and capture we lot’s land in 2015. Our reefs don’t play!
10. Bermudians get LIVE when de DJ plays Collie Buddz in ah foreign club
But we guys get HYPE when de DJ doesn’t big up Bermuda when they play his tunes or worse say something random about Jamaica and Ganja as if Collie is from Yard. #sideeye