De Cupmatch Ten Commandments
So, I'm sayin' though! Cupmatch time is here in Bermuda and guys are well into our annual trash talking, sporting team colours, and getting everything together to take up to de field or campsite for de holidee weekend!
Each year we Berms get together to celebrate the date slavery was abolished on our little island in the sun. For two days, families and friends may join together or be divided due to the friendly rivalry that takes place over the Cupmatch holidee. While it is all out of love for kulcha, there are some 'rules' that must be followed if you want to have the enjoyable Cupmatch experience we Berms rave about whenever someone asks us, "what time of the year should I visit Bermuda?"
As a Berms, violating any of these commandments could get you dissed off by ya friends, forever and a day! As a tourist, use this article as a reference to conquer the Bermudian holidee that will test your tolerance for heat, Caribbean music, and liquor!
FYI: There is no particular order to the priority of these Commandments. Each holds an equal amount of weight; while some may not be applicable based on your circumstance, knowing ALL of them is extremely important to help ya aceboy or acegirl!
1. Thou Shalt Not Diss Off Ya Family/Friends
This is particularly important if your family/friends go to de field or camping EVERY year out ah tradition! Guys aren't saying ya gotta stay with dem lot de whole day, but you better make sure you check in before you leave out so guys know where to look for you when it's time to go or if plans change up a bit.
2. Thou Shalt Not Be Drunk and Drive
Pretty self-explanatory! Guys have had WAAAAAAAY too many of our friends lose their lives on our roads. Most could have been avoided if a designated driver was assigned from early, so do guys ah favour and PLEASE take a cab home if you planning to drink, whether you get full hot or just feel a buzz. We love you lot too much, not to remind you to be safe!
3. Thou Shalt Not Forget to Get at Least Two Presses
This is extremely important if you planning to go dahn to de field for at least one day. If you plan to go both days, I'd suggest you get at least shree outfits cause ya gonna need something to wear to Soca v. Reggae after de game! Nothing ruins a press more than someone saying, "didn't you wear that to de game earlier/yesterday?"
4. Thou Shalt Not Play 'Crown & Anchor' and Lose Ya Rent Money
Hear me, don! De 1st is de Satdee after de game. Ya landlord/lady is gonna tell you duneenwurrywifit when you try and tell her about how de Bermuda Stock Exchange took ya money cause guys was cheating! Do yourself a favour and leave ya rent money at home. If you wanna hit de game tents, bring ya extra money to play with. Otherwise, find ya self ah nice seat, sip a few Swizzles and watch de game!
5. Thou Shalt Not Be Mug at De Game ah Cricket
You may think this is specific to de cricketers, which it is primarily. But as a spectator of de game, you have to make sure you know when ya batsman is actually mug or if de loud person next to you is just a drunk hater that is mad cause his bowler caunt even shrow de ball dahn de pitch with pace!
6. Thou Shalt Not Fall Asleep, PERIOD
Sounds extreme, I know! But it is necessary. Make sure you get enough rest de Sunday to Tuesday before Cupmatch cause come Wednesday affanoon, de holidee starts! Let me be clear, guys aren't saying to not go to sleep over de holidee. I'm referring to those times you're partaking in de holidee festivities, such as drinking at de game. If you start falling asleep round noon, guys got a problem!
7. Thou Shalt Not Be a Bimpert
Bimperts come in all shapes, sizes, and colours. Be advised that they do various things that warrant them to be labeled with such a harsh title as bimpert. Do not be that aceboy or acegirl who commits a bimpert offense cause if there is one thing about a Berms, guys WILL call you out if you act dopey during Cupmatch!
8. Thou Shalt Not Do Random Things For No Reason At All
Sometimes people do things that don't warrant them being labeled a bimpert, but tha just random, like! Caunt really explain 'em and sure caunt group them into any one category. So guys just created de random commandment for those moments when you are tempted to do something that totally random for no apparent reason at all, DON'T!
9. Thou Shalt Not Be a Lush and Get Too Tapped Too Early
Bermudians LOVE to drink. Rum Swizzle is an amazing drink but it will creep up on you if you are not careful. There will be lots of Swizzle no matter where you go on Cupmatch. Prepare your liver from early, get a good foundation in your belly (i.e. a nice sammich should do de trick), and remember to pace ya self! After your first cup, if you didn't taste any liquor and you feel like you just drank juice, DRINK AH BOTTLE OF WATER! That is exactly what Swizzle is supposed to taste like. If you're not careful, you'll be de first person breaking Commandment #6.
10. Thou Shalt Not Pick De Wrong Team to Support
This is a tricky one, especially if your ENTIRE family is for a team and you choose to go with another one. If you're family has split allegiances then this commandment is particularly important for you. Choosing de wrong team means that for 365 days (give or take a few) you will have to deal with de trash talking that surrounds EVERY Cupmatch holidee. Pick your teams wisely, people!
If you haven't done so already, make sure to check out guys Cupmatch app so we can see who ya team is!